Forgiven
by NorthernStar
Summary: Ace does some thinking after The Curse of Fenric.


Disclaimer: The Beeb owns them, I'm just borrowing them

Disclaimer: The Beeb owns them, I'm just borrowing them. Don't sue me.

Rating: G

Summary: Ace and the Doctor repair their friendship.

Notes: Another fic I did years ago. Takes place shortly after "The Curse of Fenric."

****

Forgiven

By NorthernStar

It was night. Ghosts came out a night, her father had told her. She had never believed that, not even at the time, as a small child.

But it was true. Ghosts did come out at night.

If only the emotional kind.

A cold and bitter wind whipped at the girl's hair as she stared up into the sky, watching the stars. She understood them, had travelled among them, and had come to call them home…

But that was before…

Now she wondered if she would ever go back.

Ace's eyes drifted to the bright thin crescent in the midst of all those tiny points of light. A new moon…. But she was still the same old Ace and the Doctor was still the same old Doctor…right?

She didn't believe that. Maybe the Professor did, but she didn't. Things had changed between them; things had changed _her._ There was no going back. 

__

I'm not scared now…. Her own words came back to her. She'd believed them at the time…maybe. But as night had fallen and a day's worth of exhaustion took over, the pain had returned.

Her faith had meant so little to him. It was so insignificant that he had brushed it aside like so much rubbish when it got in the way. In _his _way.

But did he know that she'd never had faith in anything before? Not even herself, as she tried to pretend. And that that faith was hard won, given with love and fear and was so delicately balanced?

He couldn't have.

Or maybe he had and was just a careless bastard.

__

No.

No, he wasn't. He'd done what he had to, to save their lives. To save everyone's lives… Next to that she was nothing. 

She looked across the sand towards the doctor, paddling in the tide, hands holding up his awful trousers out of the surf. _I do understand, Professor,_ she thought at him. _But…._

But what? 

Ace shivered in the cold air, the thin 1940's dress she was wearing offering no protection from the chilly night. Her jacket lay tossed on the sand, nearer the Time Lord than her. She would have to walk over there to collect it.

She would have to face him.

The Doctor looked up and a slight frown crossed his features. Then it was gone and his attention returned to the ripples the waves made as they ran over his toes. 

Where was her mother now? Almost a full day had passed since Kathleen had fled this place, how far had she gone? What had she found when she'd arrived at the address that Ace had given her and discovered…what? Her Nan was not there, _could not_ be there, because Kathleen _was_ her Nan… 

A headache blazed behind her eyes at the thought of her own future, twisted up in knots, looping, crossing, just a plaything.

She rubbed the ache with the back of her hand. Did it matter?

Did any of this matter next to the fate of the world?

__

You gave up all right to feel like this when you stepped on board the TARDIS. What did you think of the old sod did, anyway? Knit his way 'round time and space?

She kicked off her shoes, and buried her toes in the sand the way she had as a little girl. A thousand childhood memories surrounded her… Playing on the beach with her Nan, her mother sucking on her twentieth cigarette of the day as she watched… Running through the surf, yelling to her mum to see how high she could jump over the waves and being ignored…again.

All her ugly memories had been given a fresh airing.

__

I want them back where they belong.

The Doctor bent to pick something out of the surf. The little object between his fingers glittered in the shadows and star shine. 

It was a coin.

She watched as he held it up to the light, trying to make out the detail on its surface. Curiosity got the better of her and she got to her feet. Wandering over, the girl came up behind the Time Lord, trying to be casual. She was just collecting her jacket, right?

"It's Viking." He muttered, "must have washed ashore with the Heamovores."

She frowned, cursing herself for her interest. "Is it valuable?"

"No, not monetary, anyway. But to the right archaeologist, this is priceless."

She took the smooth little circle of gold from his fingers. Had this belong to some distant ancestor? An ancestor that was lying, cold and alone, on the bottom of the sea? In the Graveyard?

She twirled it across her knuckles, a skill she'd learnt in secondary school after months of hard practice.

It had actually seemed important at the time.

God, she'd changed…

He smiled slightly, studying her fascination. "Keep it." He told her.

"As what? A souvenir of our little adventure into the realm of pain and heartache?" She flicked it up in the air with her thumb and caught it again, "no thanks."

Darkness lit his eyes, "then let it go. Put it back where it belongs."

She looked down, "and what if I can't?"

A terrible sadness laced his words. "Nothing stays forever. Goodbyes always come in the end."

She realised he was afraid. Afraid she'd leave, afraid the rift was too great to be healed…

Maybe even afraid of what he'd done…

She turned to look at him. "It's not the end, Professor."

A smile touched his eyes and he seemed younger.

A long silence fell, and the pair stared out across the dark sea. 

"Shall we go?" He asked eventually.

Ace shivered, but it was not from the cold. "Go where?" 

"Lady's choice."

She breathed in the salty air, walking forwards to paddle in the tide. The gentle waves rolled over her toes, icy and numbing. Her thoughts twisting in her head, always coming back to the same conclusion. They both stood there, looking down, staring at their feet as if they were the most interesting things in the world.

Anything to keep from looking at each other.

She raised her head. "I wanna go back, Professor."

His eyes were dark, "are you sure?" He didn't need to ask what she meant. He knew…

"Just a few people I wanna catch up with, y'know?"

"Bury a few ghosts?"

She smiled at him, and his face brightened at what he saw. "No such thing as ghosts, Professor."

****

~~END~~


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